By In this blog I want to shine a light on the lifestyle habit of creating and strengthening positive social relationships. Positive relationships are those that make us feel loved, valued, and supported. They come in all shapes and sizes – family, friends, spouses, partners, colleagues, and co-workers – to name a few. Relationships are a key component of our human experience and are emphasized in the acronym ‘PERMA,’ which is used in positive psychology to highlight the components of life that contribute to ‘flourishing.’ We are said to be flourishing when we experience optimal functioning rather than moderate wellbeing (Seligman, 2013)
PERMA stands for:
Positive Emotions – such as happiness, joy, satisfaction, and contentment
Engagement – a “flow” state (Csikszentmihalyi, 1990); connection with the present moment when involved in a task, activity, or relationship
Relationships – having positive connections and bonds with others
Meaning – a sense of purpose in life; contributing to something bigger than yourself; alignment with values
Achievement – working toward and reaching goals; developing a sense of mastery; satisfaction
(Butler & Kern, 2016)
You may see how these components can support each other. For example, when we are engaged with something bigger than ourselves and contributing to a larger purpose, we could feel in a ‘flow’ state resulting in goal achievement. And perhaps we did that task alongside some good people who brought excitement into our hearts and bodies. Together, these components are said to produce ‘flourishing’ – or optimal functioning.
Yet, at times it can feel like our lives fall short in the relationship department. This could be because sometimes it feels like there’s no one to call on a Friday night or because there are too many demands in the day as a partner, parent, and earner to carve out time for friends. Perceiving oneself as not having positive relationships can contribute to loneliness which can fuel unhelpful beliefs like “I’m not worth it” or “I’m unlovable.” These are examples of beliefs that sometimes rest ‘below the surface’ of our daily awareness, but can contribute to anxiety, depression, and difficulty navigating life’s stressors and changes.
As adults, it can be hard to know where to turn to make friends. School and work are traditional places where people make friends, but after the school years are over and post-COVID, we may have far less opportunity to meet people in these settings. So, I wanted to compile a list of ideas that could help us create and strengthen different types of relationships by turning toward the community.
The community can be a rich resource for positive relationships, from familiar faces at the coffee shop to others you meet at run club and form lasting friendships. What makes me especially excited about community is that it can simultaneously present opportunities for ‘stacking’ other good lifestyle habits – like exercising and moving, finding locally sourced nutrition, connecting with others in similar phases of life, and helping others.
You may keep ‘PERMA’ in mind for some extra direction on how to get the most out of your community involvement. You might think “What can I do in the community that could support:” Positive emotions, Engagement, Relationships, Meaning, and Achievement.
This is the Los Angeles Edition. If you’re not based in LA, I hope these ideas may be a good starting point for local community offerings.
Please note: The links below to other websites are for informational and reference purposes only. This website does not endorse, warrant or guarantee the products, services or information described or offered at these other websites.
Movement
Run Clubs – Venice Run Club, Midnight Runners, On on Abbott Kinney in Venice – there are many! You don’t have to be an seasoned runner to go to a run club. My first running effort – ever – was at a run club. I didn’t complete the full run on my first go, but I did meet a lot of people and experience the powerful impact of moving with others. It kept me going back for more. Before I knew it, I was completing the full run with new friends, accomplishing goals, and feeling like I was involved in something much bigger than myself. In my experience, running communities can be very supportive and encouraging to your goals. Check out a past blog that explores how the people you surround yourself with can influence your goals.
Walking Clubs – If running isn’t your thing a walking club, such as Walk-with-a-Doc, could be a good option. Walk-with-a-Doc is a unique concept in which a doctor, medical provider, or medical student lead a community walk while sharing information about medical topics. At the time of this writing, there is a group that meets several times per month in Santa Monica, California. If you’re not based in Los Angeles, Walk-with-a-Doc has chapters all over the United States. You can learn more and search for a nearby walk here.
There are a wide variety of other sports you can enjoy in the Santa Monica and Venice Beach communities. A quick google search of “free yoga in Santa Monica park” pulls up several options. If tennis is more your thing, Ola beach tennis could be a fun option to meet new people on a Tuesday afternoon until the sun goes down. The Santa Monica Swim Center can be a great place to swim laps with friends, take a class like aqua aerobics, or join one of their community events.
A final movement idea is that if your favorite trainer or teacher is local to your area, you may consider following them on social media or signing up for their newsletter so that you’re notified about community events they may host. I have attended The Sculpt Society community walks with Megan Roup and it’s been a fun way to clock some steps, meet people with common interests, and spend time outside!
Nutrition
Farmers’ Markets – Brentwood Farmers’ Market, Santa Monica Main Street Farmers’ Market, Venice Farmers’ Market, and the Wednesday/Thursday Downtown Santa Monica Farmers’ Market are a few in the nearby area. In my opinion, each market has a slightly different feel with different things to offer. Here is my take:
Santa Monica Main Street Market often has live music and is child-friendly with a grassy area to picnic and soak up a Sunday morning
Venice Market is an earlier market (starting at 7AM) so it can pair nicely with a morning coffee and stroll (and maybe a new friend)
Wednesday/Saturday Downtown Santa Monica is vibrant, filled with many vendors, and sits alongside the Third Street Promenade
Brentwood Market is a packed strip of fruit, veg, and many homemade items like juices, bone broth, and pastries
Farmers Markets can be a ripe place for micro-moments of connection. Micro-moments of connection are quick but genuine social connections that can happen anywhere. A micro-moment could be greeting and thanking a vendor for bringing their food, meeting someone new because your dogs hit it off, or sharing admiration for the seasonal fruit with the person next to you. These small moments can supply our bodies with positive emotions and benefit our wellbeing.
Parents
A no/low-cost idea is to invite the parents and children from your child’s preschool or kindergarten class to the park for a picnic or games. We are lucky in the Santa Monica and Venice areas to have plenty of child-friendly parks with playgrounds. The Palisades Park is another beautiful community setting, surrounded by huge trees and colorful vegetation.
If you’re looking for more structured group support, Sorelle provides circle group offerings for moms and The Pump Station in Santa Monica also offers classes and groups that may be of interest.
The Los Angeles Public Library hosts a variety of parent-child activities. The schedule for the Venice location on Abbott Kinney currently shows a bilingual story time and craft program and the West Los Angeles schedule currently shows family and toddler story times.
Volunteering
Volunteering can be another rich way to be involved with the community, while activating elements of PERMA, like meaning. If you enjoy theater, The Geffen Playhouse welcomes volunteers. Animal shelters and hospitals can be good places to share your time. Or, you could consider a cause or special interest that is important to you and search for aligned organizations in your area. For example, you may be passionate about environmental issues so you volunteer to help with a beach clean-up. If you value education and learning, you may consider tutoring at a local Boys & Girls Club.
General Wellness
I came across a non-profit years ago called Superbloom which aims to make health and wellness more accessible by offering classes, workshops, and community events.
Dropping into your local yoga studio for a breath class or a restorative yin yoga class can also be a great way to connect with your community. A quick google search can show you nearby studios.
As a Licensed Psychologist and Certified Lifestyle Medicine Professional, I am passionate about promoting health and wellness. My aim is to help people optimize emotional, mental, and physical health; and, we have research to support the importance of movement, nutrition, and positive relationships in that pursuit. Communities can be a powerful resource to help us form the positive relationships that we need as human beings, enhance our wellbeing, and support our flourishing.
If you have questions about holistic therapy, please reach out for an informational consultation.
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References:
Seligman, M. E. P. (2013). Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-being. New York, NY: Atria Paperback.
Butler, J., & Kern, M. L. (2016). The PERMA-Profiler: A brief multidimensional measure of flourishing. International Journal of Wellbeing, 6(3), 1-48.
Csikszentmihalyi, M. (1990). Flow: The psychology of optimal experience. New York, NY: Harper and Row.
